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The Perilous Case of the Possessed President
The Dandy Boys have always had close connections with the U.S. Government. The FBI usually
calls us up to capture dangerous criminals or to investigate shady senators. President Bush regularly meets with the Dandy
Boys to discuss our funding (a strong $3 billion a year, give or take $3 billion). We have always enjoyed a good relationship
with the Commander in Chief, but that all changed one day. In June of 2003, D.I. Kaye got a call from President Bush. What
we heard threw us all for a loop.
Kaye: Hello?
Bush: Kaye, it's George.
Kaye: George Olsen?
Bush: Bush! George Bush!
Kaye: Oh....Well, what's our job this time, sir?
Bush: No job this time buddy. You and your Dandy Boys have
had too much freedom these past few years. And there ought to be limits to freedom! **
Kaye: What are you getting at sir?
Bush: I'm shutting the Dandy Boys down for good. You're all gonna
pay for your evil, un-American ways!
Kaye: What? What are you talking about? The Dandy Boys can't be evil, we're so young
and jovial, so full of life and spirit! We still suckle on the teet of innocence, the coldness of the world around us has
not yet seeped into our naive minds. What is the meaning of all of this, Bush?
Bush: Let's just say that anarchary and mayhem will rule the streets from now
on, Dandy Boys! WOO HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (laughter continues for another five minutes.)
Needless to say we were all flabbergasted.. After a brief meeting we decided that a phantom was most positively behind this. However, this was not just any old
phantom, this one was out for blood. You see, most of the time Dandy Boys and phantoms get along, they just play tricks on
us, and then we curse them, but it's all in good fun. President Bush had been possessed. The nature of this case shook the
delicate ground we stood on, and we knew we were in for an adventure or two..... Zoinks!
The journey began with the Boys loading into our personal 747. We discussed our game plan over a quaint breakfast of
eggs and hash browns, and then watched the in-flight movie, Air Bud. After landing in Washington we split up and
hunted for clues. Two hours of scouring the streets produced several leads, but the most important information came from a
deranged street hustler, Horton ''The Hooligan'' McDubious. Horton told us that a certain rogue phantom,
Weevil Malarkey, had been planning something big and naughty for a long time. Apparently Weevil had been
captured and harshly manhandled by the Dandy Boys long ago, and he'd developed an acute hatred for them. The years had been
unkind to Weevil, and now his bitter rage had taken control of his fragile mind.
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| Horton "The Hooligan" McDubious |
The boys had to figure out how to de-phantomize their Commander in Chief - and fast! To get the scoop on scrapping spooks,
they headed to a local showing of 'Opera of the Phantom', a supernatural musical designed for the hard-of-living and disembodied.
Donning phantom makeup and putting on their best phantom accents, the Boys slipped quietly into the audience and watched the
show. It was a rather good show, full of toe-tapping tunes and knee-slapping, whimsical funny bits that enthralled the Boys
and their ghostie peers from beginning to end. DI Burns tearfully remarked after the show that the final scene, where starlet
Esmerelbow Doofensnick sadly succumbs to the Spanish Flu, was "an absolute tour de force of pathos". Yes, the show restored
the Boys' faith in theater, but it couldn't restore their faith in phantoms, who we must insist must never be trusted.
Blending into the departing crowd, the lads used their stealth and cunning to follow some of the less savory characters
in the audience to a back alley Phantom hangout
TO BE CONTINUED....
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