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The Dandy Boys
Case Closed
Home | Meet the Dandy Boys | Case Closed | Phantoms | Danville's Most Wanted | In Depth Cases | Exploits

As expert crime solvers, it is necessary to maintain our street credibility. On this page we show off all the cases we have cracked, to warn any bad boys not to mess with us.

The Case of the Smashed Cell Phone

This case took a lot out of all of us. I remember when we finally solved this bastard, it felt as if a part of me had died, never to return.

The case opened up at Steve Mather's house, when Mitch Evans's's's cell phone was demolished by a wandering foot, or so the case seemed. It turned out that dark deeds had happened that night, and the Dandy Boys were traveling on a long train journey straight into the heart of this darkness.
Mitch's cell phone has stepped on, and our suspicions first pointed to a phantom, because they usually have something to do with a crime of this nature, those naughty little devils... Within hours the suspects in the case gradually appeared in our minds. We carefully planned our method of attack and split up. The crime scene was dusted for finger prints, hair, skin flakes and semen. These were all examined by our lab technicians, but the clues pointed in all directions. The neighborhood's favorite retarded kid 'Tarpy' was called in as a witness, but he didn't give us anything. We rounded up our suspects and interrogations took place. After three days of brutal questioning the culprit admitted his horrible deeds.


What are you smiling about Sissy Boy?

Matt Murphy:

It should have hit us the second this case opened that it was Murphy behind it. We knew from day one there was an evil darkness lurking beneath his white exterior. Murphy grew up with many gang names such as 'Leche', 'Whitey', 'Colgate', 'NaClO', 'Baby Beluga' and others pertaining to his whiteness. 'Leche' lived on the west side of Danville, an area known for its tough street life and violent peacock attacks. Well, it looks as if Murphy is on a one way ticket to the pen, and the Dandy Boys are the flight attendents showing him his seat.


The Perilous Case of the Possessed President

The Dandy Boys have always had close connections with the U.S. Government. The FBI usually calls us up to capture dangerous criminals or to investigate shady senators. President Bush regularly meets with the Dandy Boys to discuss our funding (a strong $3 billion a year, give or take $3 billion). We have always enjoyed a good relationship with the Commander in Chief, but that all changed one day. In June of 2003, D.I. Kaye got a call from President Bush. What we heard threw us all for a loop.


Kaye: Hello?
Bush: Kaye, it's George.
Kaye: George Olsen?
Bush: Bush! George Bush!
Kaye: Oh....Well, what's our job this time, sir?
Bush: No job this time buddy. You and your Dandy Boys have had too much freedom these past few years. And there ought to be limits to freedom! **
Kaye: What are you getting at sir?
Bush: I'm shutting the Dandy Boys down for good. You're all gonna pay for your evil, un-American ways!
Kaye: What? What are you talking about? The Dandy Boys can't be evil, we're so young and jovial, so full of life and spirit! We still suckle on the teet of innocence, the coldness of the world around us has not yet seeped into our naive minds. What is the meaning of all of this, Bush?
Bush: Let's just say that anarchary and mayhem will rule the streets from now on, Dandy Boys! WOO HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA (laughter continues for another five minutes.)
Needless to say we were all flabbergasted.. After a brief meeting we decided that a phantom was most positively behind this. However, this was not just any old phantom, this one was out for blood. You see, most of the time Dandy Boys and phantoms get along, they just play tricks on us, and then we curse them, but it's all in good fun. President Bush had been possessed. The nature of this case shook the delicate ground we stood on, and we knew we were in for an adventure or two..... Zoinks!


The journey began with the Boys loading into our personal 747. We discussed our game plan over a quaint breakfast of eggs and hash browns, and then watched the in-flight movie, Air Bud. After landing in Washington we split up and hunted for clues. Two hours of scouring the streets produced several leads, but the most important information came from a deranged street hustler, Horton ''The Hooligan'' McDubious. Horton told us that a certain rogue phantom, Weevil Malarkey, had been planning something big and naughty for a long time. Apparently Weevil had been captured and harshly manhandled by the Dandy Boys long ago, and he'd developed an acute hatred for them. The years had been unkind to Weevil, and now his bitter rage had taken control of his fragile mind.

Horton "The Hooligan" McDubious

The boys had to figure out how to de-phantomize their Commander in Chief - and fast! To get the scoop on scrapping spooks, they headed to a local showing of 'Opera of the Phantom', a supernatural musical designed for the hard-of-living and disembodied. Donning phantom makeup and putting on their best phantom accents, the Boys slipped quietly into the audience and watched the show. It was a rather good show, full of toe-tapping tunes and knee-slapping, whimsical funny bits that enthralled the Boys and their ghostie peers from beginning to end. DI Burns tearfully remarked after the show that the final scene, where starlet Esmerelbow Doofensnick sadly succumbs to the Spanish Flu, was "an absolute tour de force of pathos". Yes, the show restored the Boys' faith in theater, but it couldn't restore their faith in phantoms, who we must insist must never be trusted.

Blending into the departing crowd, the lads used their stealth and cunning to follow some of the less savory characters in the audience to a back alley Phantom hangout